insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just high enough for therapy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
