Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
