At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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