quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
