is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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