You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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