I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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