FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
