Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
