Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
