I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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