I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
