did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
