Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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