As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
