just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
