i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
