you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
