Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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