Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
