He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
