In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
