my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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