she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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