That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I faked an abortion last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Randomize
