I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
