the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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