Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
