Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
