thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
