i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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