Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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