no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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