id be glad to
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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