i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
ttyl tear gas
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
