FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
