Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
