My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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