In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
