Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
