How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
