I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
