even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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