We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
