"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
