I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
