yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
