Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
