I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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