we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
