Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
