You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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