he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
